I was walking home one day and I saw someone I thought I knew. They might just look similar. Well I'm not sure if I'm just paranoid, I probably am but she was walking with her head down and when she was behind me I looked back and her head was up and I just wondered why would you avoid someone or something and how? I know its probably from regret, it's one of my favorite emotion but theres so many reasons for it. Another day while I was walking home I saw this white stone I thought it was ice and I picked it up. It was heavy and cold and I didn't know what it was so I just threw it against a wall and it didn't break. Well it chipped but if I threw it into a window I don't know what I would have done. I think that regret is one of the most important emotions. I saw a movie called "Donny Darko" and it wasn't one of those "must see movies". But it was better than it's title and it's been bothering me. The ending was o.k but if you do watch it just tell me what he said the best invention was and that word they said was the "most beautiful" and what it meant. By the end it was annoying to watch and I think he gets more and more crazy yet more and more sane. But in the movie his teacher said " emotions go into two categorise fear and love." I completely disagree and so did he. I think its regret and desire. There is a few emotions that don't belong in either but in every emotion you regret or desire and you don't just love or fear you just judge. If you don't there's probably something wrong. But in the beginning there's a song that is weird and suits a lot of things. It's called "Mad World". It reminded me of another song called "A Thief in the Night". I like rock cause it's the best so I automatically know a few songs about death. Most of them are about death and suicide but I don't believe in reincarnation or that you would see other people after death. If you die in pain why wouldn't you spend the rest of your death in pain. Death would probably be fast but the pain will be eternal. I do believe in god but it seems so random to believe that you would go up after being buried six feet under. Or after being burned. I would like to be cremated. It's good symbolism. Then I'll be put in a box or coffin and buried somewhere either low or high. Not between. Maybe on a mountain. But there can't be snow cause, I just don't want to be covered in snow. Well maybe I don't need a coffin or a jar. But I don't think that the position of my body would matter after my death. I just don't want to be in a cold place. I also want something like a tombstone. It doesn't have to be a tomb stone but I want something that would stay there for a while after I'm dead. I don't expect it to be there forever cause that's a weird thought. And I want to have the shape of a cross. I don't know why maybe to keep away the sins of a grave robber or something like that. I don't want to be buried with flowers for scientific purposes. I want to have plants growing from my grave. They don't have to be flowers but something other than moss cause well I don't know why there so under appreciated. You can eat them and drink the water from them. But no poison ivy cause its unattractive and so are vines but as long as they there not on the tomb stone I don't care. I wouldn't mind it surrounding me but if people can't find where my body is then I'd be mad. I want a cross in the hands of an angel. And I want a cross on the bottom of my coffin or jar. And I want to be buried by someone I know not some guy I haven't met from a church I don't really go to. I may want to make the coffin made out of marvel or enough glass that it won't break after. I also want my wake and burial and everything on video cause I want every ones reaction towards me to be know and saved. Well I'm actually not sure why but I just do. Like I said before I don't believe in "The Gates of Hell" or reincarnation but I usually like how its used in stories like "Scorn". But I don't think that "Scorn" makes as much sense as some other stories cause I don't think satan would actually make a deal with someone and make them a roaring demon to see there girlfriend. I don't think anyone would do that. I don't know what I would want to be buried with or why. I think that it would depend on what my coffin is made of or if I'm put in a jar. Or if I'm buried in sand or something like that. But I don't know who would want to be buried in sand. Seems interesting. I don't know how I would want to die. I know I don't want to die from loss of blood. Cause that probably hurts. I want to die alone and without a lot of scars. Especially on my face. I don't want to be conceited about my funeral so I want there to be food and t.v and other things to make people feel guilty for ignoring me. I kind of also want the same thing at my wedding. If I think of a good enough reason to get married other than "biblical" reasons and just because. I know I would want a chocolate cake. It can't be in a yard of a house. And just to be clear I don't want people think I'm tryeing to say that weddings are a lot like funerals cause I'm not. Although it seems like a lot of people are. But they kind of are.

China was giving a lot to Africa and they say that the businesses there are starting to fail cause of it. Like shoe makers aren't selling enough shoes cause China sells it cheaper and there loosing lots of money. One of the first things I thought were China's taking over the world which is completely crazy I know but thats what it seems like. A very rural land only housed by farms and animals turning into tall buildings and factories that are faster then a lot of other countries do.( I think they did it in fifteen years in a lot of places.) Becoming allies with almost all countries. Main exports for almost everything. There a china town in almost every city. I know there allies and that they liked George Bush and I don't they'll hate Obama. But I just wondered what people think would happen if there was another world war. I don't know why there would be one. Maybe money or space or just cuase someone feels like it. Other than self defense why would you go to war. Like in Africa theres lots of kids carrying guns and other weapons. Committing genocide on there own people. They were kidnapped from there homes and forced to become soldiers by there government and the rebels. They were drugged and beaten. They were forced to commit murder. A kid named Abu tried to not kill people and believed he would be saved by god. He was. I would be able to spend years at war. Most of the kids spent most of there childhood killing people. A peace agreement was made to stop the war in 1999 but they didn't stop till three years later. That was when the kid had to adapt to being a part of a family. UNICEF and the IRC helped to reunite families. Abu went to the Child Protection Care Center in Kono. He was at a french speaking refugee camp and was there for two months. Then he went back to his village and his mother found him. I want to know why they seperated the families like that. Usually one of the parents do it but I guess it cost less but its not right to risk someone's life to save money. Especially against there will.

I am very strange and everyone who's ever seen me would agree and everyone who ever talked to me would laugh and nod. I walk up to people and listen and watch what they say and do. I walk up to people and just say random things that if you knew its not very random. People say it to me all of the time and its true. The things I do and the way I do it is just weird. Like sometimes I think about religion and there's a lot of questions. I'm a christian and I wondered why. I was watching something on t.v about Jesus and the first Christians and I forgot why they did it. (Did you know that Jesus told Peter that he was the son of god?) Then I thought it was probably out of praise so I'll just keep thinking that. Then I thought about hell and the gates and wondered why they were there. I thought it might be cause its like prison but I thought imprisoning part was that it was a world you couldn't escape cause you were trapped but it felt like you can escape. But gates, there defensive and secretive and private. That seems more like heaven then hell. There's lots of stuff that was on t.v about heaven and hell, I think it was cause of Christmas but still what makes people think there at war? Why would they be? Like theres a comic I read called "Scorn" and its pretty good. It was about a guy who died ( Of course it it starts with death.) Then goes to hell. then makes a deal with the devil to say bye to his girl and when he gets to earth he's a demon and his girl is scared of him and I wondered if the devil would make deals like they say in reaper. What does the reaper have to do with that war any way. Is he just an escort or what is there anywhere else to really go. If you people really think you can go to neither and all the ghosts just stay and follow people waiting for a chance to throw something at people I'm not sure what to say to that. I know its been "prooven" by shows like ghost hunter that there's ghost walking around but I know that they haven't prooven that Every person who ever died still i think I'll stay with my religion. I was watching a preaching show and it said that there was no other way into heaven other then through Jesus and I think that's right and wrong but I don't know what to think. But I know that Jesus was Jewish so I wondered if I could be a christian without being Jewish. Then I thought why have any religion? Cause if people don't have religions there lives may change completely. They might not care if they sin, well alot of people don't care with religions. They may stop getting married. Why do people get married any way people think about getting married often but I have no Idea why. They say its to unite two families but they'll still hate each other the same and I wouldn't care if our families are united or not. Well this week is apocalypse ( the word apocalypse comes from a greek word meaning the lifting of the veil.)week and I was watching a show on the history channel cause I like talking about random situations that don't really have anything to do with the conversation but I wondered if people believed in Nostradoma's visions or if he just made up some situation that eventually would have happened and wrote it down. The Aztects said that it the world would end in three years to but there's also that astroid and others believe in the reincarnation of Jesus some believe in the story of "Child Hood's End"? When I slept I thought about that. Yes I said thought cause at night I don't really dream I think. Well I had thought of foot steps. They were loud then quiet then loud and I thought it was weird.